There are times in life when a person must take a step back and look at themselves in a different light. Recently, in the last few weeks, I have had the chance to do just this. While I have been pretty happy, I have also realized that there were some places in my life where I was afraid to be happy. I let the fear of disappointment come in the way of letting myself go and just simply be caught up in the joy of a situation. As you can see in one of my prior posts where I am speaking about a past situation that made me a certain way in life. I still have no regrets in writing that post, because I still want others to know that they are not alone in how they feel. HOWEVER, I have come to a place my life where I now know that much of what I have wanted in life (love, complete happiness, full joy, full inner peace) has been partially (a big part in fact) been because of myself. I have known this for a while, but still was not willing to let go. I threw up a wall, locked the gate, and wrapped myself in a security blanket to try to keep away all the scaries, the things I feared in life. I refused to fully face life (fear of disappointment) and saying hey, bring it on. In other words, I kept myself from taking chances that could possibly have led to those things in life that I have in fact wanted for a long time. And it is good that I kept that key to the gate. Though I am a still a bit scared, I have been able to unlock the gate and start breaking that wall down. It will take sometime and some serious soul searching, but I will not give up. One step at a time. My toe is in the water and I am about ready to jump in. The important fact is that I am trying. I can feel the light on that candle getting brighter with each step that I take. I know that there will still be regrets and disappointments. But I believe in my heart that I will better be able to get through those times and keep giving things a chance. The point I want to make is never be afraid to be who you are and never be afraid of sharing the beauty in yourself. Face life and (excuse the language here) grab fear by the balls and say BRING IT ON!!! It will only be good for you.
Now… one more bit I want to share before I go.
There have been some people who I have recently (and not so recently) have come into contact with who have been lights in my life. In my times of where I have kept myself from happiness and have been down, they have been there to say be strong, you are ok as you are, made me smile, and most importantly, challenge me to give happiness a chance (whether they know it or not). One I even (I admit it) I got a bit angry with for him challenging my prior post (to him I say thank you for that). Through these their support, challenges and by them just being themselves, I have been able to (on my own) come to a higher place of inner peace. For them I am grateful. You are lights shining on my path and you are all beautiful for the simple fact that you are you. I am blessed for your presence.
With love and respect…
Written by Chieko Ross on 8/27/2010 ©
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